Track

So I've actually been meaning to write about track for awhile now, I mean it's such a huge part of my life I should get around to it eventually right? Now everyone who knows even the smallest bit about me knows that I love track; that 2 hours a day 5 days a week I kill myself by running and lifting my ass off. But does anybody really know why? I mean some of you do I suppose, I have mentioned it before. It's actually kind of hard to explain. I mean it is probably one of the biggest time commitments and definitely the biggest commitment of energy. And yet going to practice is the highlight of my day. Despite the fact that a lot of times I get back to my room and can barely walk and the fact that when I'm working out I know I have tons of stuff to do. And yet I love it, more than anything probably (no offense guys)

So why do I love track so much? Well for starters, it's probably the one thing in my life I can truly be happy about. I run the 400 and the 400 hurdles, two of the toughest events in track and field, and I not only survive but i excel. People respect me for that and I'll admit it does feel good to see people's faces and hear their praise when I run. It's the one thing that I really can call my own, that none of my friends can really match. And going off the toughness of the events i do, it makes me feel strong. I mean honestly, I'm a skinny runt, and yet in my events it doesn't matter. I have the speed and the endurance to outrun those I run against. I don't really feel strong or superior than anybody all that often, so it's nice to have that one thing where I can actually say "bring it."

Now that I've gotten out the literal explanations it's time for the more insightful ones. Track really defines who I am. Track may seem like an individual sport, but it really is all about the team. Everything i do, very race I run is not for me, it's for the team. I like to believe that is why I am able to push myself so much and do so well. People need me, they need me to do well; so i do. The 4x400 meter relay is one of the most exhausting races, and it's also the last event. So basically everyone that runs it has already run several races, me included. I don't think I've ever really ran a 4x4 completely fresh. I'm always exhausted and I never quit. I have thrown up, wobbled to the line, gasped for breathe, couldn't feel my legs and many other things right before the 4x4, an I have always run it. I have always lead the 4x4 at the schools I run at. It's just the way it's always turned out. When I'm the fastest we have I can't give in, you kidding me? No matter how much pain I'm in or how shitty I feel will run, always. My team means way to much to me for me to ever do that. If they need me then I will run, end of story. It's nice to be needed, and nice to know that you can actually help. I love helping people, but a lot of times I can do nothing or they just plain won't let me. With track it doesn't matter. I can always help and the difference between me helping or failing is all dependent on what I give to it, and I always give it my all.

And then there is the "depressing" explanation, which I'm sure some of you will scold me for. Track is and always be the one thing in my life that has always been there for me, it is my anchor to sanity. No matter how much family or friends care they have their own lives to live. Track is always there, ready to comfort or to just let me run my feelings out. I can't really stay upset when running. When I put my spikes on and take off nothing really matters anymore. It's a comforting feeling to have something that you know will always respond to your efforts, that will always be there waiting. Track has never abandoned me, left me alone, or ignored me. It has never walked away because things are too tough or because it can't handle how I feel. It is the one consistent thing in my life; the one thing that I know will basorb every ounce of blood sweat and tears I put into it and give me results. Honestly track is my life, in more ways than one.

So a slightly funny story about what track means to me and what people expect of me. I was talking with a friend of mine about how stressed I was and how I was worried that I wouldn't be able to do that well in the conference meet. When I told her what I needed to do, what everyone expected me to do she just assumed I would do it. No doubts, no questioning. She said, "You know you'll do it, you always do. You love track and won't let yourself do bad." I found it amusing that she had such unquestioning faith that I could do it. And yet it assured me at the same time. I mean she was right, no matter how worried I may get, I'll always do what I need to. Not because I can but because the team needs me to. And on another occasion with the same person, I was talking about choosing between the 400 and the 400 hurdles. Now the hurdles are a hell of a lot harder but I could do better in the 400 sooner. When I wondered which I should choose she automatically said, "You know you're going to choose hurdles." Now why in the hell would I choose the harder of the two and the one that would take a lot more work to be Conference champion? And yet I realized she was right, I would stick with hurdles. It's harder and hurts like hell, but it's just one of those things I will always stand by. I love it, for no apparent reason but I do, haha and she always noticed those little things about me. Always trusting and always realizing things when I refused to do it myself.

Anyway, there you go. Track is my life and always will be. People will come and go, jobs will as well, and life will always rock back and forth; but track will always be steady and I will always be a runner. Even when my legs are too weak to run on I will always think of the feel of track beneath my feet and the wind in my face. I will even fondly remember the pure exhaustion after practice, the kind where you can barely stand. Haha the good old days I'll probably call them.

Until next time, Shadow out :-D