Pressure

Why is it that life must be full of so many pressures; do good at school, make lots of friends, be happy, succeed yadda yadda yadda. It seems that no matter where I turn there's some new pressure that I must deal with. I understand that's life and that we wouldn't ever get anywhere if there weren't things challenging us and forcing us to become more than we are, but sometimes I wish I could just sleep and rest. I wish I could just for one day put everything behind me and just live for the sake of living. I'm so tired, and I know many others that share the sentiment. ... Now that that is off my chest :-) I actually wish more for others that they could get a day of rest, I know plenty of people that have it worse than I do; people that are excited when they get 4 or 5 hours of sleep :-\ and constantly have work that needs to be done. Wouldn't it be great if there was a snow day from life. Hahaha just one day where we could all just hang out and do nothing, just one day would be nice.

Now besides all the complaints I seem to have about pressures and the things that tire me out in life, I actually appreciate everything that pushes me day in and day out. I mean they're what make me who I am. Who would I be if my mom didn't scold me day in and day out to better in school? Would I be going to one of the best schools of engineering in the country? Probably not. You can't forget the biggest pressure in my life ... track. The center and love of my life as well as the bane of my existence. You have no idea how many times I have stayed up in the middle of the night unable to sleep because a big meet was on the horizon. It's so great that I've found something I love that I happen to be quite good at, but with great power comes great responsibility (cheesy I know) and with those abilities come the expectant eyes and the almost demanding look that I win every event I'm in. People don't do it on purpose, I mean it's mostly my own mentality. When people expect something of me, however unreasonable, I push myself not to let them down. With that in mind perhaps track wasn't the best life choice, I mean there are a lot of good runners out there and my body can only take so much. Yet despite that every time my coach looked at me in high school and told me I could win the race ... I believed him. I think it was his trust in me that really gave me the trust I now have in myself. I know that sounds very cheesy and all that but it's also true. I wasn't exactly confidant in myself in high school and track really helped shape me into who I am today.

I look back quite fondly on my high school track and field days. It's comforting to think about every time my coach told me that the entire meet was resting on the 4x4 (the last event of the meet that I always ran in) he had absolute confidence that the meet would be won. And every time the meet came down to the 4x4 the race came down to me ... the anchor. In high school I ran 4 races every single meet and finished the day with the 4x4. The 4x4 is a grueling race, the 400 itself is one of the toughest races to run but throw in the fact that it's the last event and you're tired, that the entire meet rests on the shoulders of you and your teammates. They would always look to me and every single time their game plan would be to keep the race close, keep it close enough so that when I got the baton I would be right up with the leaders and then it would be over. They somehow had enough confidence in me to assume that I would finish the race and win it for them ... every single time. And the exciting part is, I usually did. With the entire teams hopes on my shoulders how could I not? They needed me to win ... so I did, end of story. By this point I don't really have a problem with shouldering that responsibility, I've realized finally that perhaps their faith isn't as misplaced as I thought. I run track for a reason, it's what I was born to do. Thanks to my high school coach and track team I believe in myself a hell of a lot more, and for that I am quite glad :-)

Now what brought all of this to the forefront of my mind? That would be the conference meet I have in two days ... two days, wow that's close. I'm running 3 different races and I could be in a total of 5 races throughout the entire two days of the meet. That's a lot of pressure for one meet, especially since my coach is expecting me to score in all of them. In case you didn't know scoring means getting in the top 6 or 8 of an event. So I'm supposed to run 3 races and get in the top 6 of all of them? Hell yeah, I'm ready. My foot hurts, my knee is sore, and my ankle was twinging yesterday but none of that really matters. I will run and I will do whatever coach asks of me, the team needs me and I won't let them down.

"Don't lower your expectations to meet your performance. Raise your level of performance to meet your expectations. Expect the best of yourself, and then do what is necessary to make it a reality."

Until next time, Shadow out :-D