Time

Ah ... time, something I seem to be lacking more and more these days. Time to do work, time to have fun, time to see my friends, time to even talk to them. I'm drifting away, and I know it ... and yet there really is nothing I can do to stop it. I've stopped worrying about it because i realize there is nothing I really can do to change things at this point. I'll take advantage of the opportunities I have when they show themselves but I really can't create opportunities, at least not on my own. Quite often I may overlook times when I might be able to visit mainly because I convince myself that I really can't afford to because i have work to do, but that doesn't mean I'm against a little kidnapping :-D I sometimes have more time than I think but also that's not very often.

I realized how bad it was the other day when one of the pledges of my fraternity asked if I would have free time for an interview. I was like ok I'll let you know when I'm back and able. So class at 10:30, 11:30, break for lunch and a bit of work (sometimes), class at 2:00, 3:00, track practice at 4:30 till 6:30, followed by dinner so trek back to the other side of campus and back by 7:30 or 8:00, then homework until 11:00 ... then I have time for an interview. The sad thing is, this wasn't and extraordinary day. This actually happens on a regular basis. And my weekends really aren't that much better. I'm on call a good bit and when I'm not I have most of my work to do do I either legitimately have no time or convince myself I don't. :-( Hahaha I'm actually not complaining for once, I mean it sucks and I wish I could see my friends but it's not like I'm writing this to mope. I guess I just have this fear that all you guys think I'm purposefully avoiding you when I'm really not. I'm swamped and I really don't see break until I get to go home on December 20th or something. Yeah I have to stay until the last person moves out ... ouch. So anyway, hopefully I'll see you guys around and if not feel free to hunt me down my schedule is pretty predictable.

Until next time, Shadow out :-D

Let Down

The title may hint at something slightly depressing, but it really isn't. I mean it kind of is for me but I doubt you guys will feel all that affected. So basically my first week of track has been a giant pile of fail. I tweaked my ankle on Sunday, I'm guessing at the IM football game but I kind of doubt it. Anyway, it got rather painful and swollen so I iced it and stuff. Now the unfortunate part is that track started that Monday ... oh shit. So I couldn't really run the first two days. I was able to do the ab workout yesterday (not like my anti-shank core really needs it ;-) ) and I was feeling great about running today ... but now I'm sick. It's not H1N1 for those of you who just gasped in worry, it's just a sore throat and stuffy nose, things that make running a tad hard. So Coach suggested I take the day off and we'll see how I feel tomorrow. Now i go home tomorrow for Fall Break and if I' still feeling under the weather my first week of track will include pool workout (fail), bike workout (fail), BEAR workout (it hurts), sick and sick (double fail).



So yay for track season ... Oh well it's the first week and I'm not all that worried. It's just kind of annoying to look forward to it wall year and then fail miserably when it arrives. Well I'll rest over break and be in tip top running shape come next week's practices. HOO RAH let's do it.

Until next time, Shadow out :-D

Oh Dear...

So recently I sent out the link to my blog and I am quite excited to hear that a lot of people are actually interested in reading it, oh boy :-) I have gotten some random comments such as "Less blogging more Jogging" from a track buddy and others that are more surprised about what I write about. One such person said she thought it would probably be the funniest thing ever ... not exactly. After she actually read it she said that she never knew I was so introspective, but that's the point of this blog now isn't it? Yet just because I'm trying to get thoughts out doesn't mean I can't put in a few amusing stories. I suppose I am known for being rather amusing, although in my opinion that's because I happen to be really random and I suppose my stories and comments turn out to be rather amusing. So in honor of that new found follower, think I'll tell an amusing story...

A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away (that means about 3 weeks ago on Earth/ 3rd floor Taft)... there lived an RA name ... Me. Well anyway, you all know I'm an RA and such on a boys floor. Well the 3rd floor of our building is the girls' floor and of course I spend a good bit of time there, I do like hanging out with girls. So there is one room I happen to spend a lot of time visiting and I'm even an honorary roommate, which is kind of strange considering I'm an RA and they added that within the first two weeks of school but I'm not complaining. Anyway, they enjoy poking fun at me along with everyone else I know and a lot of amusing stories usually crop up but I think this one tops the rest to date. So i was visiting the RA on that floor and just saying hello and all that fun stuff and she mentioned that on of the residents had told her a story that I would find amusing. i do love a good story so I decided to go find this girl and hear the story. Well I walked into her room, where I am an honorary roommate, to say hello and she and her other roommate were there as well. Well the other girl was in one of those comfy fold up chair thingies and she was texting with her back to me. So me being me, I decided to torment the poor girl and bopped her on the head with some rolled up practice tests I was carrying around.

So she of course yelped and told me to stop and I of course decided to ignore such a simple plea and bopped her again. Now at this point I was standing behind the chair, kind of hard to hit someone on the head from ten feet away. So after I bopped her the second time she decided to reach behind her and grab the papers. Now I don't know if she just has really bad ... distance perceptions? ... or what but she did not realize that I am 6' 1" and that the papers were about 3 feet above her head. Instead my hip was a little above her head and when her hand went back to GRAB the papers she happened to GRAB another target. Now for those of you who are not nursing, I know a lot of you are, the anatomy of the body I just described indicates that I was GRABBED IN THE CROTCH!!!!!! by one of the girl residents in the building. Now this was a rather momentous occasion, no not because I enjoyed getting to second base with a cute girl, but because it marked the I do believe second or maybe third time in my life that I have been awkwarded out. If I ever remember what happened the other times I'll be sure to let you in on the secret.

So lots of laughing and redfacedness followed and I slipped out of the room. I came back of course when my face returned to normal. Now you'd think that a story like this would perhaps stay slightly quiet, I mean a resident did just grab the RA, but no she enjoys telling everyone she knows the amusing story. I mean I don't care, I just didn't want stories going around. But she has a boyfriend so that helps clear up any rumors that may enjoy spreading, which they have not as of yet. So now every time I talk with her or her roommate they enjoy joking about the fact that she grabbed me ... oh boy.

So that is just about the most amusing thing that has happened to me lately, besides the having to tread using just my legs for half an hour ... although I suppose that's more painful than amusing. Well I hope you enjoyed the story, I may do this more often :-D I'll see you guys next time...

Until next time, Shadow out :-D

Wish I Were There

Being on the opposite side of campus really makes me feel kind of alone. I mean I know I have friends on this side of campus and all but i feel like I'm missing out on so much when the people I really wish I could see are 20 min away. Not only do I miss seeing them but I feel like I'm not able to fulfill my duty as a friend to them. I talk to them of course, but not as much as I would normally would. And one of the biggest things that has been killing me lately is that I can't be there for them. I know life gets rough for a lot of people, and it is always easier with a shoulder you know you can lie on an cry if necessary. I really do know how hard it is to find a person you really don't mind completely crashing in front of and have always made myself available in that sense. And I know that currently a couple of my friends are having a rough time and and all I can do is say I sympathize, and what bullshit is that? I am a very "in person" kind of person. I need to be near people to express my feelings and really be there for them. It's one thing to say "I'm sorry you're upset" and a complete other to just open your arms and have them fall into them. I miss being able to do that, I miss being able to just sit there and let them know that they're not alone, that I'll always be nearby when they need me ... and yet I'm not. I'm across campus wishing I could help when all I can to is sit and hope they're ok.

I hate this, I really do. I hate wondering what my best friends are up to and not being able to find out. I thought before the year started that I would at least have a little free time to visit and catch up but I really don't. I've bitten off a lot this year and I'm surviving, but at what cost? I know I have an incredible faith in my friendships but I still worry. Will they still want me there? Will I still be that person to turn to? Or will I just be an old friend who they used to talk to a lot? It's not my intention to pull away or to never visit, but I just can't. As much as I want to my life just won't allow it, and it really is killing me. I'll survive as always but i wish for once I wouldn't have to. I wish that for once I could just live my life the way I want, unstressed and with those I love. But as always my choices keep that from happening. I'll just keep going and do what I can, even if it doesn't seem like enough.

So hold on guys, I'm still here ... just a little distant. Talking isn't as great as being there but I'll do what I can, you know I'm always there if you need me. And if you really need me don't doubt that I'll run across campus, what good is all this track running if I can't put it to good use?

If you ever find yourself upset or ready to cry just remember:

If you don't have a smile, I'll give you one of mine...

Until next time, Shadow out :-D