Secrets

Secrets are a very interesting topic for me, to be honest I hate secrets. I am a very honest person and I try not to keep secrets. As a personal law of sorts, I don't lie and I don't keep things from people unless absolutely necessary. If I feel something about someone I tell them. Perhaps it would be better if I held myself back a bit but I don't like to. If someone is going to accept me I want them to accept me for all of what I am. Yes relationships are for getting to know people but why should you not know what you are getting into from the start? I think being so honest and forward has gotten me into trouble quite often, probably one of my biggest issues with all the girl stuff, but it's who I am. Whenever I make comments about how being so vocal and obvious with my feelings is causing problems people suggest I hold myself back and moderate how I feel. True that would probably make things better but I honesty don't know if I can. I like showing people how I feel, I'm honest and don't care who knows. I realize I'm the source of any problems I may have but if I'm saying that this is how I want to be perhaps I should stop whining and just accept what I knew would be the result.

The one thing about secrets I hate are the ones people keep because they"didn't want to hurt you." In my mind that is a load of bullshit. Not telling someone you know has feelings for you that something is starting between you and another guy is just dumb. So you don't want to hurt him huh? Well let me ask you this, what would hurt more: him hearing from you, the one he cares about, that you like someone else and that you are sorry or him driving himself crazy speculating about what is going on and eventually either making crazy accusation, hearing it from someone else or just finding out on his own. When that happens you get the whole "What the hell is going on?" and then you have to defend yourself and give your "I didn't want to hurt you" speech and in the end just pissing him off. This has happened to me so many times and I still don't understand it. How is keeping something that huge from somebody you apparently care about helping them? Is it helping him get over it, no. Is it helping him to deal with the situation, no. Is it going to make him feel in any way better about the suckiness of everything if you delay it, no. He's going to find out eventually so just freaking tell him. Yes I understand it's hard and that knowing you're going to break someone's heart is tough, but it's better to break it with your own hands than have him shatter it on his own. Of course I always start wondering "how long?" after that happens. How long were you trying to hide it from me? Do you really think I'm that weak or that petty that I can't be told? If you don't share my feelings fine but if you supposedly care about me at least as a friend don't I deserve that much? I'd like to think so but hey, that's just me.

Until next time, Shadow out