So Restless

So it's happening again, the restlessness. It's been awhile, perhaps because I've been surrounded by friends and work all summer but now that I'm back at school it's different. Sure I have friends all over the place but everyone has their own plans and their own work to do. Somehow I don't have that much to do which is nice but scares me all at once. I need a lot to do or I won't concentrate. It's almost as though I have ADD until I'm so busy that my body adjusts and just takes over, getting everything done on less sleep, more strain and longer practices. I function best when I'm pushed to my limits. It's strange but I love it. It's almost as if my body automatically knows when I need to be at my best and just goes into overdrive. It happens with track too, now that I think about it. I do ok in practices but not nearly as well in meets. Perchance it's the atmosphere or the pressure of wanting/needing to win but my legs just don't die, until the meet is over at least. I find myself pushing myself and going faster than ever before just when I need to. The same thing happens with work (job, tests, HW, etc.)

I guess it's not just that there's nothing to do that's got me restless but also the fact that I just can't do anything about certain situations. I have found my self in the oh so common bind of having to watch what I say on here, but I just seem to be unable to take steps i the direction I want to. Most of it has to do with my principles and not wanting to hurt friends, even if it would get me what I seem to need so badly. I always do that, complain about what I want but don't have and yet when I'm given opportunities to remedy that I'm unwilling to make the sacrifices necessary. Doing so would change who I am, which is perhaps what I need to do to fix things, but that would be against the point so I won't. Ugh I'm starting to feel the need to run or something, either that or read, or play video games, or maybe I should give doing work another shot. We shall see.

Until next time, Shadow out :-D