And the End is Here

So I'm sitting here in my room at college putting away my stuff and it's just now setting in that I'm actually leaving in a few days. Don't get me wrong, I really miss home and it will be great to be home with my family and crazy friends, but I'm really going to miss this campus. It's taken the whole year, but I've really found my group of friends that I really want to hold on to. There have always been those friends throughout the year that I know I'm going to be friends with for a long time. This includes lumber, bro down the hall, all my track buddies, my fraternity brothers, my 3rd floor therapist and quite a few others, but now I've really found a group of friends that want to hang out a lot more and really keep in touch over the summer. It's kind of sad that we're all leaving now but better late than never. We shall see a lot of each other next year; we'll make sure of it.

I was going to try and keep this entry a little more bloggish and a little less "I think too much about the past" but oh well, what can you do. This reminds me a lot of how I used to be, although over a smaller period of time. I was always the really hyper and happy kid who everybody heard of and knew and was friends with. I was happy with that for a long time, but trust me it has its downsides. I mean I had tons of friends and was really well known, but I wasn't really especially close to too many of them. My weekends consisted mostly of sitting at home and reading, watching TV, playing video games, and/or looking after my sisters. I tried not to think about it too much and it didn't really bother me until I started actually having issues. I'll admit, I have been extremely lucky throughout my life. I like to complain about some things and about how I deal with a lot, but the truth is that I have never really been in all that much trouble with much. But whenever I did have problems I realized I really didn't have anybody to talk to. My mom is way too busy, I don't particularly feel all that comfortable talking to my brother about these sorts of things, I don't think he'd really take me seriously. My dad doesn't live with me so it's hard to really talk to him, although I talk to him more than I used to. Talk to my step dad ... yeah fucking right. And my sisters have their own stuff to worry about, plus they're my younger sisters I'm supposed to comfort them right? So in the end I would sit in my room and deal with it. I'd bury it and forget about it. And yes I do realize this is a bad idea and I wouldn't recommend it.

So even though it sucked I was fine and really didn't let it bother me. Then came the junior girlfriend thing. I won't go into too much depth here but basically I thought I finally had a group of friends and someone I could talk to. As it turns out, she couldn't really be there for me when I needed her and our friends were more her friends than mine. So I was left alone once again except this time much worse. Everything that had been bothering me for awhile had come out and there was no putting it away. I was emotionally distraught and had nobody to turn to. This went one for awhile and everybody was worried. I'm never upset in public, and I was quiet and clearly upset for a few weeks, Things could have gotten much worse if it weren't for the therapist and the soccer bully. I randomly called the therapist one night looking for someone to talk to and she was willing to listen. She talked to me for quite awhile even though we really weren't the best of friends. After that she invited me to hang out with her and the soccer bully. I'm not really sure how it happened so fast but they brought me back from the brink of hell and made me better for it. We became the best of friends and are now inseparable. Things continued to improve as I found a close group of friends who I am really close to today. We call ourselves the Sunday night bowlers and you all know who you are. So thank you to all of you, and especially my therapist and the soccer bully. You all helped me find myself and I am a better man thanks to what you all have done.

And now here at college I have done the same thing, although with more groups it seems. The main group I hang out with these days are the 5Sauces but everyone else is included. I love you all and will miss every last one of you over the summer. I've talked with some people and they seem worried about losing touch with friends through the summer and next year. All I have to say is don't worry, the friends that matter will never let go. As far as I'm concerned, you guys are stuck with me for life. I may live on the opposite side of the campus from all of you but you will hear from me, frequently. Don't worry so much about losing those you are close to and enjoy yourself. We will be here no matter what happens. True friendships only need a single call to revive them. So though I won't see all of you as much as I would like, I'll be waiting for that phone call to bring me back.

Keep in touch buddies, although I'm not gone yet. You'll never get rid of me so stop worrying.

Until next time, Shadow out :-D