Ramblings

For the first time in a long while I've started thinking things that I thought I put behind me. Things along the lines of "What the hell am I doing?" I realized that I really don't know. I'm majoring in Chemical Engineering at a really good school. A school that I really don't know why I chose. It felt right for me sure but can you really base life altering decisions on gut instinct alone? I love it where I am and I'm glad about that, but I can't expect to get that lucky with everything. A lot of people were talking this weekend about what they're doing and their plans for the future. Their career plans, graduate plans, summer plans, internships and all that. What do I know? A load of nothing. Sure ChemE is a good field, but what the hell am I going to do with it? This summer I am doing nothing. I can make up all the excuses I want about not having time and not being able to get a job because of the economy or that it's just over the summer. I haven't even been working out, I've even been lucky to be doing so well in track. I'm lazy and my body just miraculously takes all the crap and comes through for me.

To be honest I am kinda lost, I'm in a good spot and there is no reason to feel depressed or to panic. I'm not and I don't plan on it. But it's hard to look at everyone around me planning for the future and not feel left behind. Where am I going and what will I do with my life. There are a lot more things involved in this thought pattern than most of you know, and it's a thought pattern that I only really share with a few people. So sorry for hinting and then closing my mouth, for once, but there are some things even I keep hidden. Some people know, and they are the ones that know me best. And these feelings are a tender point that I really don't feel like shouting to the world like I usually do. Maybe perhaps for once I'll keep it close to the chest. The only one I plan on talking to about this is actually in the next room, but she has her own problems to worry about so I'll let her be for now.

Sorry if this post seems slightly down and more random than my usual posts. It's night and I'm thinking and I juts felt like blogging. I don't script these things or even think before I type, I just type and publish. So anyways, I'm sure you'll be hearing form me soon.

Until next time, Shadow out :-D