For some reason recently I started considering something that always seem to cross my mind. By nature I am a really nice person, I don't like hating or hurting people and avoid it as much as I can. I also go out of my way to help others, even if it means postponing what I what in the process. Now I like to believe that it's just my nature, but in the end it's really just a choice. Everyone has the possibility to become exactly who I am. I think that part of the reason I do this is because I've seen a lot of people that only look out for themselves and lots of people that need someone but nobody cares.
One obvious example of this is my step dad. Now I don't like hating people but he pushes my limits. Day in and day out all he does is complain. The kids don't do this, the kids don't do that, why don't you do more around the house. He doesn't care about anybody in the family, except his own kids of course. The fact that he does this just makes our lives that much more annoying. I refuse to become like him. If I ever do anything like that I swear to god I would tear myself to pieces. The one thing that really gets to me are selfish assholes who have no consideration for others. I don't really feel like going in depth about this because it'll just piss me off but it's pretty self-explanatory anyway.
Because of that hate I dedicate myself to becoming the complete opposite. I wholly dedicate myself to others and their well being. At home I put up with most of the bitching from my step dad. He always seems to be in a bad mood and enjoys yelling at someone. So I let him yell at me. I really don't care and what he says has no effect on me. I know I help out more than he does and that his declarations of my laziness and irresponsibility really have no truth to them. So every week he comes in my room and rants for a half hour about about how we are the bane of his existence, he leaves, and life goes on. I don't like being yelled at every week but if his yelling at me keeps him from yelling at my sisters and my mom then so be it. I'll do more chores, again and again if he deems them unworthy, if it means saving the others some work. I don't bring it up to my mom because it'll just start arguments. So I just take it all in and get it done. I'm not as fragile as people may think and I can, and have, handled a lot throughout the years. I guess you could call me the peacemaker in the house and it worries me that I'm away now. It may seem kind of conceded to think that things would be worse with me gone but track sis has told me that things actually are. I can't wait to go home and lighten the mood a bit. And hey, after my first college track season I actually have muscle. He's never actually dared try and hit us before but he has threatened once or twice. I'd like to see him try now, I'll put his ass through a wall.
Anyway back to the point of this, I always wonder whether living for others is really worth it. I've been told that I'm too nice for my own good and that one of these days I'll have to start looking out for myself. I've honestly thought that same thing so many times. As much as I love seeing others smile and seeing them get what they want don't I deserve to get what I want too? For the longest time I had doubts about whether or not I would in the end get what I want. I feel better now that life is pretty much as good as it has been. One of the biggest things I've never really been able to get is a girlfriend. I had a gf at the end of my junior year but that was it. And as much as I enjoyed it I don't think she ever cared as much about me as I did her. Once again my caringness went awry. I care too much and I get shafted. Oh well, life moves on. And now after all this time my personality has finally payed off. I stuck around and cared about someone long enough that they actually feel the same. And this time I do believe she actually cares back. No offense to junior gf, but I care more about my current girlfriend than I ever did her. And she's actually willing to be there for me, so thank you babe. You've shown me that in the end everything will work out the way it's supposed to, and yes therapist you were right in the end. And not only do I know have a girlfriend but everything else is going well. I've survived a really tough semester and I may somehow come out with a 3.76 GPA this semester. I got 7th at our conference meet in the 400 hurdles as a freshman despite a strained hamstring at the beginning of the year and annoying shin splints the rest of the year. On top of that I have a job as an RA next year, which will be quite fun. So all in all life is good, no scratch that life is fantastic.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm officially able to forget about the sentiment that nice guys finish last. It's true it may take us longer to get to the finish line but the journey is more worth it. Through all the annoyances and heartbreaks I'm stronger than ever and thriving like never before. I'm happy with being the nice guy and will never change. It may be tough at times but it's not a bad thing to care, and so I will. If anybody ever needs a shoulder to lean on or an arm to hold them up, you know where to find me. I'm here to stay and won't be going anywhere, unless you need me to of course.
Until next time, Shadow out :-D
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