Well I've never really done anything like this, blogging and all, but at the behest and example of some of my friends I've decided to give it a try. I'm a college freshman, although soon to be done my first year in a few days, I run track and in general I'm a really hyper and outgoing guy. Now I suppose the first blog is most usually a little intro but I might as well jump into the deep stuff....
Everyone sees me as the constantly happy, smart, athletic, lucky guy who never seems to get upset. Truth is ... that's a far shot from who I am. I have to work my ass off for everything and it pains me that nobody really sees that. I come form a family with six little sisters and a lot of extended family as well. I am extremely lucky because my mom is a goddess. I know a lot of people may say this about their moms but honestly my mom is more than anyone could ask for. She takes care of all eight of her kids, me my sisters and my one older brother, while working a full time job and making sure we get whatever we need. She loves us so much that even if we really can't afford it she will make sure we get what we want. Because of that a lot of my cousins, in their 20's and 30's, say we are spoiled and don't really have to work for what we get. I worked my ass off in high school to get a 4.3 GPA, break eight high school track records, get second in states in the 300 hurdles, and to get into a damn good university. Nobody really sees that, outside of a few of my siblings and best friends.
One of the happiest moments of my life to date was at a family reunion this past summer before I headed off to college. I was helping my cousin carry stuff from her car and she stopped me. She said, "I want you to know that all of us are really proud of you. We know you've worked hard to achieve all that you've done. You've always worked hard and always seem to help out." That's not exactly what she said but close enough. It really opened my eyes that maybe I wasn't as looked over as much as I thought. It helped me gain more confidence and such, knowing that my family really did respect me as more than just the goofball of the family, although I am still that.
That seems to be happening again here at college. It's not like people think I'm spoiled or anything, but everyone seems I just get along without doing a lot. The truth is that I work my ass off day in and day out to get where I am. I had track practice 2 hours a day 5 days a week for almost this entire year. With that kind of time consumption I barely had time to do my school work and study. I've been more stressed out this year than I have ever bee in my life. But of course nobody knows that, I hide my feelings because I feel like it's my responsibility to always be upbeat. I am the happy kid, if I'm upset than what does that say for everyone else? What hope do they have if the constantly happy kid is upset? And so I hide me true feelings and tough it out. I want to throw out a thank you for those who have seen the upset me, for the ones who were willing to put up with my complaining and my laments. there aren't that many of you but the ones who saw through my charade are now my closest friends. This includes my girlfriend, but you'll get a separate entry yourself. But for now I'll just say that you have made me happier than I have ever been. I am so thankful for you and everything you have put up with from me despite your own problems.
So to all of you out there who call yourselves my friends, I just want you to know that there is more than just the surface layer of me. I am a pool of shadows, and there are secrets that I believe I may now have the medium to let out. So if you follow this blog you will get a better look into who I am and why I do things. Maybe you already have a glance into who I am and maybe you've just scratched the surface. Well either way, you will get to know me pretty well.
Until next time, Shadow out :-D
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